


The habits of my heart

by Dimple_Swag_Joonie



Category: Banana Bus Squad
Genre: Angst, But you have to look deeply, Flashbacks, I swear, I'll add more tags and shit as we go along, Idc or know tbh, Just Roll With It, Love Story, M/M, Pretty sad, Short Story, SingleDad!Ryan, Time Skips, Toddler!Bryce
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-01-14
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 19:01:00
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 716
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9251603
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Dimple_Swag_Joonie/pseuds/Dimple_Swag_Joonie
Summary: "Hey little buddy!""Da!"Ryan loved the cheerful squeal from his son, he could take away his toy rabbit and he'll still smile.Even when Jonathan passed away.The toddler was oblivious to all negativity, or Ryan didn't have the heart to tell him.His heart was broken, the cracks poorly superglued together by his child, the last part of Jonathan.Moving to Canada couldn't hurt.





	

**Author's Note:**

> .-.

**THIS IS A PREVIEW**

"I'm sorry."

That's all Ryan heard that day. Most were sincere, the dark expressions and tear stained cheeks proved it. It didn't matter. He wouldn't cry, simply because he couldn't.

He used up all his tears in the ambulance.

Maybe he could borrow some of his kids tears. The little angel never cried. Ryan didn't ever want to see those baby blue irises shine with tears.

So he didn't tell him, but for the remainder of the day, he craddled Bryce to his chest. He couldn't loose another one so precious. Maybe, the only reason he was still here, was because of him.

Bryce was tall for a two year old, his cute knobbly knees littered with grass stains and the occasional scab. He had golden hair, silky and smooth to the touch and if you pressed a kiss to his hair, the smell of pine and toffee pleasantly took over your senses.

It made people want to carry on hugging the angel.

He really was an angel. Any room brightend when he ran in, a wide smile on his slightly chubby face.

Ryan often checked to see if he grew wings, or ruffled his hair to check for a halo. His little doe eyes wild, just like Jonathans.

Said persons funeral went by slowly, the clock cruel and the smell of chemicals used to preserve the body sickening. Ryan needed fresh air, Bryce also didn't look so good.

Shaking the small boy awake, Ryan gave his forehead a soft kiss before whispering that they should go get food and start driving.

He already paid for the party, burial and engravement. The car was packed and the house sold.

He wasn't running away, but driving away. There was a clear difference.

He wanted nothing to do with this stupid place, with its stupid people and stupid court. 25 years isn't enough for the life an innocent man who had a husband and child. A fresh start was desperately needed, he didn't want Bryce to grow up here, and hoped the two year old would forget this place.

If he himself could not emotionally forget then he'll mentally forget.

The tastes and smell of the hibicus that floated down every path, small windy roads covered in broken stones and pale purple petals. Cherry trees scattered scarsly on flat plains. 

The whole image was a lie. 

Filth thrived on the back edges of every house, every dimly lit alleyway. Drugs passed and used like it was no big deal. Jonathan had grown up somewhere along those lines. He retold stories of the desperate times and messieurs he experienced with his mother and younger brother.

When Ryan asked about James, his husband blinked slowly before turning towards him, a pained look on his porcelain face.

He only needed a few simple words to break every wall he ever created in hopes to protect himself. "I-i d-don't know Ryan.."

Those memories weren't the best but to Ryan they helped him understand the complex mind of someone who couldn't even understand himself. The reason he fell in love with Jon was because inside of all the broken skin and jagged eyes, he saw a weak, innocent, stranded adult, who missed out heavily as a child.

He cried when he saw the sorry excuse of a human trying to steal food from his garden.

Torn clothes like that of a teenager, eyes sunken and lips blue- he had a fever in summer- Hair matted and black with god knows what.

He had to take him in. The nameless mans' eyes contained only hunger and fear. Like that of an animal. It broke him probably more knowing he couldn't read, write or speak.

A smile always made it onto Ryans' face when the memory of Jonathans first bath popped up.

It didn't end well.

He left the bathroom with a black eye, seven or maybe ten bite marks and a split lip.

He shuddered. Teaching him table manners was worse by far. Cleaning up smashed bowl after bowl wasn't fun. Especially since Jon didn't even look remotely sorry. 

Their first kiss was the third best thing to ever happen to them, to him now.

A soft smile and a kiss to a sleepy head and Ryan started the car.

**Author's Note:**

> ._.


End file.
